Fighting with your partner?

Hello, Happy Human! 👋

We're here with our weekly 3 things...

1️⃣ A question from our community

2️⃣ Our actionable tips

3️⃣ A resource from our toolkit

1. The question

"I want my husband to step up, but every time I ask it turns into a fight so I’m not sure how to approach it.”

2. Our answer

Yup… we’ve both been there.

You’re tired, carrying SO much, and all you want is some help without having to beg for it. 

But here’s the thing…

When we’re frustrated, what comes out of our mouths usually sounds way more like blame than we think.

We say things like:

👉“You don’t help enough with the kids.”
👉“You’re always on your phone.”

And in our heads, we’re just stating facts, right? But in their heads… it sounds like:

👉 “You’re failing. You’re the problem.”

And that’s the exact moment that their brain shifts over into DEFENSE MODE. 

You hear back from them:

“I do help, you just don’t notice” or “Well you’re on your phone too!” 

And now you’re in a wildly unhelpful ping-pong match of blame and you’re worse off than you were at the start.

So here’s the trick…

✅ Swap the blame for a need.

Instead of:
❌ “You don’t help enough with the kids.”

 Say:
✅ “I’m feeling overwhelmed and need some help with the kids.”

Instead of:
❌ “You’re always on your phone.”

Say:
✅ “I’m feeling disconnected and need you to be present right now.”

The blame game just puts them on trial but sharing your needs gives them a role in the solution. It basically turns the whole “me vs. you” into “us together vs. the problem.”

It’s about speaking in a way that actually gives you a shot at being heard and getting what you need!

So give it a try this week. Catch yourself BEFORE the “you always/you never” slips out. 

Pause… recognize the need under the frustration… and then lead with the need.

And if you’re looking for a deeper dive to change the patterns that keep you and your partner stuck…

3. From our toolkit

We’re hosting our next live webinar…

We’re going to share the exact same tools and strategies that we’ve been using to:

✅ Get on each other’s team (even when we disagree)

✅ Stop the constant fighting and defensiveness

✅ Support each other in the middle of life’s chaos

✅ Show up as the partnership our family needs

You can access the webinar as a member of The Collective, our private support community.

So grab your partner and use this link to learn more about joining us in The Collective risk-free for 7 days to access this webinar, our workshops, personalized support, and more!

As always, thanks for being here. 🙂

❤️ Jenilee & Greg
Happy Human Life