Kids struggle with perfectionism?
Sep 19, 2024
Hello, Happy Humans!
We're here with our weekly 3 things...
1️⃣ A question from our community
2️⃣ Our actionable tip of the week
3️⃣ A resource from our toolkit
1. The question
"My kid is extremely strong-willed, smart, and very hard on himself when he doesn't get things right the first time. I’m having trouble finding the words to make him feel better and explain that it's okay to not succeed immediately. Any advice?"
2. Our actionable tip
Oh boy, can we relate!
Each of our kids has been hard on themselves at one point or another and it can be really hard finding the right things to say.
Now, when perfectionism shows up in our home, it usually centers around writing or art. We’ll often hear…
“No, it’s not right,” or “I’m not doing this anymore, it’s horrible!” and then watch as they crumble or rip up the paper.
Sound familiar?
We all have a bit of perfectionism in us, but it doesn’t have to define us. It’s just one part of who we are, and that’s okay!
Our goal is to help our kids relate to perfectionism and to show them empathy. During a calm moment, you can say something like…
“My brain tells me I need to be perfect sometimes. Does that ever happen to you?”
We can encourage our kids to start noticing when their brain is telling them that something needs to be perfect and help them get curious about those feelings.
You can even come up with a mantra together to use when these kinds of thoughts come up. Here’s one that we like to use in our home…
“My brain is telling me this needs to be perfect, but it’s okay if it’s not perfect. I can do hard things.”
This will give our kids a sense of control and emphasizes that perfectionism is a part of them, but not ALL of them.
We want that self-compassionate voice to be louder than the “I need to be perfect” voice.
3. From our toolkit
Mantras (or positive affirmations) are a powerful tool that help shape our inner voice into one that supports and encourages us.
Most nights, we place a different mantra on our kids’ bathroom mirror, and we try to read them together in the morning and then again before bed.
Recently, we’ve been exploring the “I Know Who I AM” affirmation cards from hearts of gems.
Sometimes, we choose a card that reflects something currently happening in our lives, and in the scenario like the one above, we might choose:
I AM Enough
I don’t need to be perfect.
Who I am is enough.
What I do is enough.
What I have is enough.
These daily reminders help build a strong foundation for our kids’ overall well-being, leading to positive feelings about themselves and others.
Honestly, we think the affirmations are helping us too!
We could all benefit from these gentle reminders to show ourselves grace and compassion.
Life gets busy, and it's easy to forget that we are already enough just as we are. Sometimes, we need that little nudge to pause, breathe, and remember our own worth.
You can find the “I Know Who I AM” affirmation cards here. Use the code HHL10 for 10% off your purchase!
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We all make mistakes. We’re human. They're GOING to happen. It’s all about what comes AFTER our mistakes that matters most.
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