When your kids say awful things

Hello, Happy Human! 👋

We're here with our weekly 3 things...

1️⃣ A question from our community

2️⃣ Our actionable tips

3️⃣ A resource from our toolkit

1. The question

“What do you do when your kid calls you something awful… like “stupid,” or “the worst parent ever”?”

2. Our answer

To all of you out there that haven’t heard things like this from your kids yet… just wait.

And yeah, most parents think the “right” response here is to shut it down immediately and punish, but that’s actually the least effective thing to do if your goal is to teach and change their behavior long-term.

Because in these tense moments, their nervous system is in full fight mode (and let’s be real… yours probably is too).

So here’s what we try to do…

👉 Step 1: REGULATE.

If both of you are dysregulated, nobody is going to learn anything. So pause… breathe… remember that they’re just a kid having a hard time.

👉 Then step 2: LEAD WITH EMPATHY.

No… not permissiveness or just “letting it slide.”

EMPATHY.

Give some space to let them cool off and then come back later with something like:

“Hey, you were really upset earlier… and I get it. What I said hurt your feelings.”

Because here’s the deal…

When kids feel understood, they soften. 

And when they soften, THAT is when you can set a boundary that they’ll actually hear:

“And even though I get why you said it, talking to me like that isn’t okay.”

THIS is emotional intelligence in action and is going to be the thing that will lead to long-term shifts in your home.

We get it though…

3. From our toolkit

You can’t lead with empathy if your nervous system is stuck in emotionally reactive cycles.

It just won’t happen. PERIOD.

 That’s why finding and maintaining your own regulation is the key to every emotionally intelligent interaction you want to have with your kids.

And if you want help building the skill of self-regulation, we put everything we teach (and personally practice) into our Regulation Bundle.

It’s a package of three science-backed workshops to help you:

• manage triggers
• rewire your stress responses
• show up differently during the hard moments
  

You can grab our Regulation Bundle and save over 50%.

👉 Just use this link to learn more and get started.

And as always…

Thanks for being here. ❤️

Jenilee & Greg
Happy Human Life